After one hell of a year, John Spears finally faced the reality he’d been suppressing – even from himself – for over 30 years: he was gay.
This is Part I of a two part series. In Part II, we’ll be speaking with John’s ex-wife, Christine.
John was was married with two kids, working for the Obama administration, and living a fairly common 30-something life. Then, over the course of a year, a number of stressful situations compounded on one another and John’s walls came down. John was depleted enough to finally see what he’d been suppressing his whole life.
“I remember breaking down for the first time in my bathroom and finally giving myself the space. I went up to my wife Christine and I was like, ‘Hey, I’m pretty sure I’m gay. I don’t know what this means for us. I’m not leaving you, I’m not in a relationship. But I want you to know who I am, and we need to figure out how we move forward as a family.'”
It’s interesting how often we hear a variation of this same theme: not until we are broken/exhausted/at the end of ourselves does the change finally arise. When the mental and emotional systems we built for ourselves collapse, perhaps only then can change begin.
“It was both this amazing feeling – and this horrifying, scary feeling – that my life is about to change in a very big way and I have no clue what the outcome is going to be.”
We talked about what it’s like suppressing being gay as a kid, how to navigate something like this with two little kids and a wife, and we began to discuss the nuances of sexuality vs. identity.
Lastly, the way John and Christine have handled co-parenting since John came out is incredible. John and Christine were both amazing, and we can’t wait to share her side of the story in the next episode! Enjoy!
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Join the discussion 5 Comments
An amazing story – thank you for sharing. Your family is inspiring.
Thanks for sharing your story John.
It doesn’t change that you are a great parent, still a great person, and a friends. Things will change for all of you and it takes someone who is strong like you to be true to yourself. Waiting for part two my friend.
[…] In the second part of this series, Christine explains her side of the story. Pt I, John’s story, is here. […]
Wow— wonder if his wife was in the mood to welcome such news of self awareness. I am sure the revelation would be most women’s worst nightmare.